A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
