I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
