Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just had sex on a roof
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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