And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She announced her abortion via fbk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
