I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
