I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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