Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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