before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
