Where is the hickey?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
