Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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