Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
