Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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