i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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