I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Damn victory sex feels great
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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