Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
