Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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