I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
