Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
