Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
