Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
