whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
