u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
