Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
