I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
