Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
