even my farts smell like vagina
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
