i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
