dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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