Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
