She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
