I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
