I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
