I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
