someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
