Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
