I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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