I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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