if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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