Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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