if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
