Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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