considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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