Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
