That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
