the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
