This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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