At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
