Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
