she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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