The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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