Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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