And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
