okay pat passed out under dana's car
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
