I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
